


Slip-Sliding

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Transphobia, Isolation, Masturbation, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Sam Winchester, Other, Social Anxiety, Social Isolation, Trans Sam Winchester, from outside people but nothing specific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Sam is not like the Winchesters. And the sooner they get away, the better.





	Slip-Sliding

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Alexandria Nevermind (MoonwalkerPrincess)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonwalkerPrincess/pseuds/Alexandria%20Nevermind) in the [trans_positivity_fiction](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/trans_positivity_fiction) collection. 



> Sorry I just keep filling so many of these. Not even sure about this one, and I tried to make it as not-creepy as possible while basically Sam still has a headmate or psychic link to help deal with dysphoria? So I dunno.
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> Just ready to give a new spin to Trans fiction.

One of the first things that Sam knew was that they were not like their Dad. They whispered about it to themself when falling asleep: _I’m not like him, I won’t become like him, the world doesn’t need me to become like that_. They were three going on four and already knew they had no allies, at least not in their motel rooms or traveling around in that car.

Sam thought of someone named Gabriel one day. Gabriel was like Sam. Sometimes one way, sometimes another. A little bit shifty in presentation. Sometimes Gabriel was in a gown, and other times full battle gear, maybe with wings for shoes.

Sam didn’t tell Dean. There were a lot of things Sam didn’t tell Dean. This was just one more. Dean didn’t really want to know Sam, anyway.

Gabriel became like a best friend. Sam could talk to their friend any time, day or night. Mostly they asked for protection for Dean, even if Dean wouldn’t want them to.

Every time Sam felt a little bit slidey in reality, they would call Gabriel.

It wasn’t about demons or angels. It was about friendship, and it was about not really being sure how to be here in the world, and being a they instead of something else.

Sam found out about the day that Gabriel started to refer to him-herself as Loki. It was their little secret, and it made sense, because Gabriel was a bit slidey like Sam, and when Sam looked Loki up in books, he was too.

Actually, some of the things Loki had done in the lore were kinda gross and made Sam uncomfortable, but other things weren’t as bad.

Gabriel or Loki never called Sam the wrong thing. Not even once. Gabriel was a safe friend, and there was no disappearing act when Sam reached a certain age because Gabriel said Sam deserved to have friends.

There had been Sully for a while, but Sully was a sort of mean person for a ‘friend,’ and he wasn’t equipped for Sam being slidey at all.

Gabriel stayed.

Sam was quiet. Studious. They found the angel Gabriel in the lore, but could never really be sure if it was safe to say _their_ Gabriel was _that one_ or what.

It was about being quiet, for the most part, and not drawing attention to the slidey-ness. Having someone to talk to about it helped a lot.

Sam didn’t trust easily, least of all what passed for family. Dad being a Marine was...a lot. It was more than people often made it out to be. Drills could wear Sam out, and be painful on a good day. Sam was small for their age, until maybe they weren’t anymore, but they still felt small.

They kept talking to Gabriel. They wished they could run away with Gabriel, really.

It wasn’t easy to make friends if Sam knew that no one would understand this thing about them that even Sam barely understood or had words for. But Gabriel got it. Because Gabriel _was_ slidey. Gabriel was the same.

And Gabriel was great at helping Sam get things, like odd jobs or extra vending machine food. Things they really needed, because Sam and Dean were hungry. All the time.

It wasn’t until Sam was older, well into college before Gabriel said to them: “It would be safe to explore. I’ll always be here. You can’t freak me out. I’m freakin’ Loki, ferchrissakes.”

And Sam did, and oh--

Oh.

Bodies were weird. 

It was hard to be in the body that much, but it did do some nice things. If Sam could make friends a little bit more easily--

But they probably wouldn’t respect that Sam was...wasn’t like them.

Sam kept to themself.

Years passed and plans were made, on Sam’s own. When he knew what Sam’s plan was, Gabriel helped with the application to Stanford and it _actually worked_ and Sam was free. There was no obligation to keep talking to the Marine or a brother who would stay with him, doing the man’s bidding.

Sam was free, but in some ways more alienated than ever. They didn’t know how to start having a conversation about fluidity. And they definitely weren’t going to bring up the supernatural. It left them at loose ends for how to talk to people that much. How could they...just make things up to talk to people?

Adjusting to Stanford was hard, but there was always Gabriel, reminding them to dot the i’s and cross the t’s on everything they did.

In a way, Sam loved Gabriel. So very much.

And then there were times Gabriel was just gone. But by the time Dean came to pick Sam up, they knew if they ever encountered Gabriel in the supernatural world, they’d recognize each other.

And then they did. And oh. Oh, God, it was like Sam’s world exploding, to be looking into the eyes of the one who’d shown them so much.

Sharing with Dean, even in a tiny capacity.

Sam had to play it cool, and not like Gabriel held Sam’s heart in his hands, still beating. And every secret. Every single secret.

But Gabriel betrayed none of them. Not a one.

And that’s when Sam knew they had an angel.

**Author's Note:**

> Also maybe there's more where this came from, but I have to get my head together about that. This comes first.


End file.
